The darkness

I think it's become necessary for me to gripe about the weather in each entry, so I think today I'll complain that I returned home from work in the dark. Despite the fact that having a job is great, and enjoying the time I spend there, I would rather it didn't take up all the hours of daylight. The darkness outside is complete, and the gentle patter of the rain on the ground can be soothing or distressing.

Today was a productive day. I have completed tasks I intended to do today and feel almost relaxed. I bought spices for the kitchen which were required: fine ground black pepper, salt, paprika and cinnamon. I believe these should be the basis for any kitchen, and are useful in many dishes. Since winter started my diet seems to have reduced to the bare minimum required to live - simple carbohydrates and some protein. Don't blame me if I die from not having taken in any vitamins or eaten any green vegetables. It's just my local Sainsbury seems to have less veg than the cupboards in our kitchen, and it's a hassle to go and find another shop which sells whichever ones take my fancy at the time, which is usually so late at night that the rest are shut anyway. Just to give you an example, they have baking potatoes and new potatoes, but never any basic white potatoes. They never have swede, parsnip or any salad which isn't washed, chopped and put into bags with irritating little sachets of dressing (costing £1.99). Although you can't guarantee they'll have frozen chips or bagels in Oriental Foods, they do have a great selection of veg and two aisles of spices at stunningly cheap prices. So it's a quandary. Do I go to Sainsbury and get my occidental necessities (merchandised cereals and drinks) or do I forfeit my creature comforts and go to Oriental Foods? The solution is to do both, which is not always practical but can be done on separate days.

The weekend was a busy one. Looking back it doesn't seem like I actually did that much, but I felt better afterwards and it's definitely the start of something exciting. I think having approximately half the composers in Glasgow (between 18 and 35) in one room was productive, and although it does happen on a reasonably regular basis, not so many rich ideas are had. The rehearsal went extremely well despite a panic attack beforehand from a co-organiser that put me in a state of worry before the gig. As it was, more people turned up than we expected and brought their own equipment which was a pleasant surprise. I have a feeling this gig is going to be more successful than the previous effort, and given we have the prior experience of organising a concert within this establishment it can only *fingers crossed* go better than last time. The trouble is there's always something else to organise... another player to find or a space to book or flyers to distribute or someone to talk to. Aside from that we also have to get people to come to the gig. It's a full time sport and I'm already working a full time job and trying to do other projects.

I want to be at home less today. The structure of having a job and rehearsals to go to seems to make things worthwhile, or at least numbs the pain and constricts the paranoia. Prevaililng paranoia seems to be a stain on my life, to disturb and upset me when I least need it. But more on that to come.