I'm not sure what's up with me today. I just feel a _little_ melancholy. It's not even like I feel depressed, just like I don't really feel like socialising. Maybe that's what's wrong with me: perhaps I need a little brotherly love and I don't know it when it jumps up and slaps me in the face. Or perhaps it's that I needed a little prefuse73 and some silence in bed with Eco. It's these times when I realise tea and technology are my best friends, despite what anyone might tell you.
I sat surrounded by people I didn't know, a generation and a lifetime apart talking and making more friends. What's the point making more friends when the ones you have don't take you for granted? I think some of the problem is that I really think I'm the stable one, and that the people around me are changing and developing issues about things that weren't there before, when in fact I'm the one not explaining myself, giving any clues as to what I think or feel. I remain cryptic and elusive, or at least that's how I think people are seeing me. Maybe they see it as a lack of willingness to communicate, whereas I'm just fed up with communicating things that are worthless. Why say something if it has no meaning? Why listen if it's been said before? I'm struck with the consideration of what is a worthwhile conversation to have. Perhaps I should develop and distribute the meta-conversation: the ultimate discussion on the topic of discussion. Meaning versus communication.
Maybe I should just get on with work. Another identical day at the office melds into the week before where I photocopy pointless forms and pretend I'm interested in what I'm doing. What is the sense in my life if I do not achieve the things I set out to do? I suppose the proper question is 'where has the fun gone?', and has a simpler answer than one might imagine - I have no money. No matter what anyone says, money buys freedom in this country. With stability comes enjoyment of the time available, however small.
Having said that I am off to Italia this weekend, and am very excited. Buona notte!
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