Sun, Buckie and No Sand

Well I suppose it had to end sooner or later didn't it. The good weather has finally passed and we're back to cloudy. My trusty BBC weather widget is telling me there'll be sun later in the week but I doubt I'll be able to enjoy it at all as I'll be inside rigging for the gig. Just as well I think, I know I should be inside sorting these things out because I'll really enjoy it at the end of the day even though it's been a real heartache trying to sort everything out. There's always one more thing to sort out, and I just know that some of these things will be left till the last minute as is customary. I think there's always one thing that noone thought of, as usual.

Having said that, things generally are going very well. I'm enjoying myself immensely with the rehearsals etc., it seems I get a lot out of playing even though I'm not absolutely sure of myself all of the time. I suppose I just want to do the best I possibly can, and I get irritated when I fall below that ideal. We live and learn.

Einstein on the Beach was accompanying my walk tonight along the orange-lit streets, and somehow it seemed appropriate that I should be playing music that did not really fit the occasion. Uplifting I suppose you could call it, and it certainly lifted my spirits and made me think about the music I want to write. Something that hasn't been written and must be written, something that is indispensible to me and can become indispensible to others. I think the problem is that I can express that in so many other different ways, but seemingly it gets lost in music while I'm trying to write the notes down. When you hear it, it comes out totally different to the way it should be. Emotions are a complex thing, and retrospective emotion is a difficult one to deal with. You hear the phrase 'rose-tinted glasses' being used, and when I think back to times when I wish there was change, I see myself as happy and contented. I know it's difficult to see things as they are _now_ but I really think that there are some changes that need to be effected before I become settled. When will I achieve something other than placid indifference, which is the only way I come to some sort of solace?