Always said and never spoken

Today was an interesting day. My first full day since being back in the country, and it hasn't changed. I don't know how I feel about being here yet but it certainly reminds me how difficult things can be.

It's not that I didn't enjoy today - I certainly found that people can surprise you - it's just I found that a reassessment of things you've become used to are necessary. I also remember that one wise person said that if you're not happy with the place you're living in, it's usually yourself that you're unhappy with. I'm not sure how much truth there is in that, as I have certainly been happier in other places more so than here. I just found myself thinking that I'd like to be in a place that isn't here. For example, today as I returned to the train station in Edinburgh to get the train back to Glasgow, I saw the GNER train for London leaving, and felt an overwhelming urge to get on it. Perhaps a psychologist might tell me that this is to do with a desire to hide from my fears, that I need to confront the things which are troubling me rather than running away from them, but I really believe that I just wanted to go home and see my parents for a night or two.

In Italy I saw the wood for the trees (a phrase that doesn't really translate into Italian - 'legno? no, no bosco...') and realised that I just haven't found a happy medium in Glasgow, even a compensation for the things that make me happy. I can't seem to make up for the missing elements, no matter how hard I try. Let's face it: the indigenous food is crap, consistingly mainly of deep fried battered sundry items containing varying amounts of meat. Yes yes, I hear you say 'alternatives are available' but this is not my point. My point is that there aren't enough of the things that I like available (both spiritually and physically) so I have to make do, and it's getting to the time when I need that to change. Perhaps another trip away or some time on my own will settle that.

Anyway I saw a advertisement in the street that told me I had 15 days to live, and I thought about what I would do if that were the case. Perhaps I should get on that train when I want rather than worrying about consequences. I read a quote today that said those people that are late are always happier than the people that are waiting for them. Vero, vero.