Tea and Go

Well. I've just spent the last few hours in a very pleasant tea shop, playing go. I think it's managed to take my mind off things for a bit, and remember how to play a game I didn't know the name off before. I'd completely forgotten what to do, but it's simple enough to start with.

I'm still in the quandary though. What should I do and where should I go. I'd resolved to spend the next year travelling and doing whatever I please, but an opportunity presented itself at the University of York for me to do a PhD there. It started me thinking about what I want out of a place. Obviously York is a little sleepier than Glasgow, and I get the sneaking suspicion that although I'd have a great time doing research there in their state of the art facilities, I'd want somewhere with more of a scene. There's that and the fact that I don't know who I'd want to study with there, if anyone. Which brings me to the second opportunity in Manchester, where there are state of the art facilities, a more vibrant scene and some people I already know. Reasons not to go - I know all the staff there already and I know there's noone I'd feel happy studying with compositionally, which is a problem. I think I just don't know who'd appreciate my influences or understand or be able to encourage me to develop the areas I'm interested. Perhaps I need to find someone whose work I like, and find somewhere to study that way. Which leads me to think I'm approaching this PhD from the wrong aspect: finding somewhere that has an opportunity and then checking whether it fits my criteria. This in turn leads me to my approach - I'm just rushing something that I should feel comfortable with its premise before I even decide that there's somewhere I want to carry it out. At the moment I only know of a few people who are doing things that interest me in the fields I'm pursuing. Why don't I just follow those up instead of deciding that I need to be in an institution and tied to their rules before I can do what I want. I think the freedom is sitting right here in front of me and I haven't seen it yet. I'm distracted by the golden framework of doctoral study, and I've fallen in love with its seeming flexibility.

I think the keywords are 'don't rush'. What's the sense in being in York if there's nothing to entertain me there (the obvious aside). What's the sense in returning to Manchester if it's just to become part of something I don't think I'll enjoy. One thing I can't stand is dogma, and I have the feeling I'd be subject to that if I studied there. Let's go and review the options.

The summer months are coming soon. I have a summer jacket to teach in and I'm feeling confident that Glasgow's going to be more amenable till it starts getting dark again. All the more excuse to take my time planning. As a certain someone said to me today "why not go to New York". Why not indeed...